Internet Dating Resource Center
Online Dating Services Help Desk
The Art of Internet Dating
The Art of Internet Dating by Judy Barton
Keys To Successful Online Dating Experiences Marketing You Online
http://internetdate.webs.com/
Today’s singles are discouraged with the traditional means of meeting other singles. The bar scene no longer offers the glitter and glamour appeal it once held. The efforts required finding a partner or mate in that type of environment is often taxing and offers little past frustration.
The new dating trend focuses on finding love and friendship through the vast resources available on the Internet. Our neighborhood playground has expanded to include the world. This high tech movement has proven to be a more efficient form of dating and social networking for a great majority of singles. Is it practical, safe and worth the effort?
As with anything in life, Internet dating holds both positives and negatives. Overall it offers more benefits than harm. The list of pros and cons is long and the journey as unique as the individuals who choose to take it. The good, the bad and the ‘oh my goodness’ all exist in one format and no two like experiences will offer the same results.
This book explores the myths and realities of Internet Dating and provides the information necessary for successful online dating ventures. Judy Barton, Dating, Relationship & Sex Coach, will offer an holistic approach to better insure positive results.
Who’s Cheating Who?
Approximately 1.5 million websites and over 1000 books are dedicated to the subject of cheating. Their focus is on proving the infidelity, catching the scoundrel in the act and dealing with the pain and shame of being a victim. A close analysis however, provokes uncertainty with regards to where our compassion and sympathies should lie and leaves us to question who the victim really is. Seeking to untangle the complexities and get to the truth merely provokes a host of questions with many complicated answers. It gives cause to reflect and consider the stunning realities.
Cheating is not as simple as one individual in a relationship behaving badly and the other being wronged. It is a multi-faceted, complex reaction stemming from many different places within the human psyche and involves two people making well-informed decisions and choices . It relates to compatibility, needs and the realities of human nature. The dictionary defines it as being sexually unfaithful, but adds that it can involve depriving someone of something valuable, falling short in satisfying the expectations and hopes of another and to influence by deceit or trickery. If any one of those descriptors represents the cause for cheating, then who cheats who and who is the victim? Is it actually cheating or an instinctive human response to being cheated out of our needs?
In the beginning, couples tend to ignore any negatives, which might later become an issue in the relationship. Caught up in the euphoria of new love, men aren’t always clear about their sexual needs and women don’t admit that when the intoxication wears off, so do their sexual desires. But then cheating is not always about sex; it involves growth issues and non-sexual needs that weren’t made clear in the pre-commitment conversations. Would that lack of attention to detail constitute deceit and trickery or do couples simply not recognize the serious nature and responsibilities of their commitment? Do they fall into the trap of complacency or end up on different paths by committing in haste while under the influence of lust? The deeper we dig into cause and effect, the more questions are raised. The answers are obvious if we hold an honest vision of the facts.
Relationships involve two people; the two must accept responsibility for their individual contribution to its success or failure. Both parties come with their own agenda anddestructive powers. Women come with their set of issues and pre-programming and men with theirs. Women often want men to conform to a new set of rules, change expectations in mid-stream or offer men little incentive to come home. Men become complacent, lose direction and focus or allow outside influences to interfere with their responsibilities. In either scenario, addressing mutual needs is lost to individual priorities. In the end, both suffer losses and pain. The patterns present a sad commentary to the basic concepts of human relationships.
Both sexual and non-sexual needs are at issue, and both hold equal value on the list of priorities. Having those needs met is basic to all the laws of human nature. The natural response to a lack of fulfillment is to seek resolve in whatever venue holds the offering. The rules of commitment and marriage do not specifically state thatone partner is expected to serve a self-sacrificing role to maintain the relationship. Yet those who see themselves as victims cry foul when confronted with their own lack of consciousness in regards to their partner. Do we actually cheat ourselves by making bad choices and decisions?
Cheating is about being cheated. In reality both parties are victims. Both hold the power to create success or create a path alone. How each partner chooses to respond to his or her individual responsibilities determines the outcome.
The Female Persuasion
Yes ladies, we all wear our “female” at times, play the games, manipulate through feminine wiles and pretend to be something we’re not. We do this primarily as a direct result of pre-programming, environmental role modeling and because, lets face it, it does get us what we want. If we consider this course in the grand scheme of things however, it usually serves to provide a short-lived fix which eventually comes back to haunt us. Is the female persona a gift, a curse or simply an abuse of power?
We size up men for their potential and then attempt to train and transform them into our ideal image. We pretend to be offended by their masculine presentations and open assertions regarding sex. We turn on the charm and the tears at will and are determined to make the men in our lives responsible for our life experiences and happiness. We hold the power of sex and wield it to trap them and at a moment that suits us, transform it into a tool of punishment and torture for any lack of patronization. Are those mixed messages and abuses of power conducive to the success and happiness we seek?
Each time we choose a man it is based on our visions, our needs, our hopes and dreams and by our standards and design. If things don’t go according to our plan we blame him for our own bad choices. One of the biggest complaints from men is that innate need women have to change them, to mold and shape them to the female design. Men are what they are, and most like it that way. If women did not hold the power of sex men wouldn’t dare agree to conform. However, forcing that reform usually means failed relationships or breeds discontented men who cheat. Are we really better off having an unhappy man rather than no man at all?
Any woman who has spent time out with the girls can attest to our conversations regarding sex. Most often they are more open and raw than those hosted by men. Yet when a man dares to speak of such things in our presence, we behave as if we have been grossly offended and demoralized. Women love sex until they get into a relationship or marry and then sex becomes something ugly. Our lust and sensuality are replaced with age-old designs, complacency and female power. We use that power as both punishment and reward leaving men confused and frustrated with the inconsistencies.
Men carry the visions of their relationships and home life to the workplace where they are exposed to the temptations of finely decorated women who areplaying the same games and using those same feminine wiles to gain attention as we did when our designs were new. Men then go home to a whiny woman in sweats or to the woman who is absorbed in her own workplace issues and has no desire to share loving intimacy with him. If our goal is to make them happy we are definitely going about it in the wrong way.
It is not difficult to understand why they cheat or want out of the relationship. Women smugly maintain their power and refuse to conform. The men are expected to make the changes and sacrifices needed to keep the relationship in tact. If men cheat it is blamed on their bad character rather than the world their women have created for them. There is little attention paid to their needs as men, yet we cry foul when the relationship has failed.
Being feminine is admirable and promotes positive reactions and responses. Being female is ugly business and provokes the negative images that have been passed down through the ages. Men should be accepted as men and not created in the female design. For when the spell of the female persuasion has been broken by frustration, there is no magic formula to reincarnate its power and influence. Successful relationships demand that we accept our men as men and wear our femininity with pride. Our female is best left in a shallow, unmarked grave in the back yard.
Spicing Up Your Love Life
Throw out the Viagra and let nature take its course. Add spice to your sex life and enhance your solo adventures, using natural, healthy formulas whose benefits have proven safe and effective over thousands of years.
Most people aren’t aware of Mother Nature’s great gifts or have little faith in their capabilities. Herbs have been around since the beginning of time and their value substantiated in therapeutic as well as sexual capacities. Nature provides for our needs, and unlike today’s wonder drugs, both men and women may reap the benefits of their use. While only a few have been clinically tested, all have proven their effectiveness and safety over time. Man-made drugs come with many side affects and risks that usually put one or more parts of the body at risk, of harm, while fixing another. Drug manufacturers warn of the harm their miracle drugs can produce; yet we continue to use them.
Our sexual needs are basic essentials and nature has quite adequately addressed them without fear of risk or harm. Man-made male enhancement products carry a long list of side affects and warn of the dangers posed by an erection that lasts more than a few hours. Does that mean they are not only unsafe but are also designed for quickies, allowing for sex in metered doses? That poses a rather harsh and unnatural solution. Mother Nature holds the answers we seek. A few of the best are listed below.
1-Ginger is a common household spice by day and wild aphrodisiac by night.It is a great stimulant, which increases blood flow to the genitals, stirring sexual sensations in both male and female users. It is also used therapeutically for gastrointestinal disturbances, as an anti-inflammatory, is a strong antioxidant and much more. A tea can be made from the shavings of the root as well as from the powdered spice. Extract and pill forms are sold at health food stores. Ginger has blood-thinning properties and is not recommended for those taking anticoagulants.
2-Damiana surpasses Viagra and any other sexual enhancer in its fabulous affects, safety and medicinal properties. It increases blood flow to the genitals, increases sensitivity, provides a marvelous euphoria and has a long lasting affect without posing risks. Its many therapeutic qualities make it an easy choice over the harmful drugs on the market. It is used to treat many ailments such as depression, digestive complaints and congestion to name a few. It is available in extract, drop or capsule form at any health food store.
3-Licorice has super energy enhancing properties, which make for a more active sex life. It stimulates female sex glands and is a great general health tonic for men. Some men who use licorice regularly, notice a significant increase in their sex drive. The list of ailments and problems it is used to treat is quite extensive. Licorice can be found at health food stores in extract form. The candy contains little or no licorice and is not useful for treating medical issues or for sexual enhancement. Anyone with high blood pressure should consult a physician before using licorice.
4-Ginseng is an energizer and revitalizer known as the king of herbs. Its name in Chinese literally means ‘root, or essence, of man and its fascinating history dates back thousands of years. It is a general tonic, which can improve stamina for sexual activities and the potency of male sperm. The list of therapeutic uses is extensive. Ginseng comes in many forms and is available at most any grocery and health food stores. Anyone with high blood pressure, hypoglycemia, heart disorders or asthma should use caution when taking ginseng.
5-Vodka is a great aphrodisiac and an even greater antioxidant when mixed in a shaken martini. Orange vodka holds those same properties as well, and adds emotional affects promoting a sense of loving attachment.
The Kama Sutra Company offers a wonderful line of sex enhancing products, which includes a safe, subtle pleasure balm for extended erection time. Most all of their products are edible and can add a little touch of spice to any sexual experience.
A complete list of Mother Nature’s contributions is available online or in bookstores. For further information please consult Nature’s Aphrodisiacs by Nancy L. Nickell, Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Phyllis A. Balch & James F. Balch, www.kamasutra.com , or your physician.
Anyone planning to use an herb or other natural product is advised to check warnings for possible problems relating to existing illness.
All sexual activities should remain safe, sane and always consensual.
www.innervoyages.org
Speaking of Sex….
Why do we find it so difficult to talk about sex, or openly express our sexual needs and desires? What are we afraid will happen if we do?
Most of us are taught that sex is a taboo subject, which is not discussed openly in the name of decency. Nice girls don’t and gentlemen mind their manners out of respect. Are we to assume then that gentlemen and nice girls just always do it right? Following this logic of assumption suggests that being prim and proper equates to good sex and would leave communication as an obsolete necessity.
For the majority of us it is the fear of reprisals and judgments, which provokes our silence. We’re afraid that if our secrets were revealed in truth, we would be ostracized for our wicked thoughts and evil lust. We are pre programmed to suffer embarrassment and shame with regards to our sexual needs and desires. If the gift of sex is meant to come with so many limits and restrictions one is left to question who created the rules and by what reasoning and logic they were set in place.
There are those of us who fear ourselves more than we fear what others might think. We are afraid of what might be hidden in our secret garden of sexual desire and are a little more than apprehensive with regards to facing our own sexual realities. If we don’t talk about it, it can’t exist. We assume that if we ignore it, it will go away. What we fail to realize is how deeply these hidden truths are embedded in our psyche and how seriously they impact our everyday lives. Unwittingly they ultimately determine the paths we take.
The fact is that sex is not evil or perverse and poses no harm. It is, however, the part of our inner being we deny, the self we repress. It is our essence, a natural piece of our intricate puzzle. Sex is a natural force of nature and was not intended to be ignored, hidden away or treated as an evil plague, a sin worthy of burning at the stake. We should be taking full advantage of this great gift we were given. Instead we tend to promote and nurture our unavowed dreams and forbidden truths by confining their life to the dark recesses of our unconscious mind.
Even if we dare not speak of this mystical, magical world of secret fantasies and yearnings, it lives non-the-less and strives to break through the walls we’ve constructed to hide its presence. Our sexual seeds are carefully planted there and whether we tend them or not, the blossoms grow. Left unattended, it creates restlessness and voids which we can never seem to fill. Our inhibitions and fears merely serve to create a cycle of unfulfilling and discontented relationships.
Like it or not, our secret garden exists. There is no shame in recognizing its existence or accepting its realities. Good sex does not come with the disposition of our personality and character traits. It is created and honed by the sharing of our inner selves and openly addressing our needs. Crystal balls can offer no solution and assuming is a dangerous practice.
It isn’t likely we will we find a partner who is capable of reading minds and will instinctively know of our needs and desires. It requires that we say it out loud, express it in a form, which others can understand. Communication still is and always will be vital to the success of any relationship and sexual experience. If we are fortunate enough to find someone to share our secrets with, we are able to tear down the walls and let the sun shine on our garden of blossoms, allowing them to grow freely. Greatness is achieved by providing an environment for greatness to grow!
Friend With Benefits—The New Age Relationship
The fashionable and in-demand model of relationships is now the ‘Friend with benefits’.
What could be more natural than sharing intimacy with a friend? It actually seems quite appropriate to entrust that position to a friend and confidant who knows you better than you and loves you ‘even though’. For thousands of singles, this new age relationship design can, and does present as a cure-all for numerous age-old dating woes, while taking friendship to a new dimension. It is not a new concept, however, today’s singles are merely more open and receptive to the many positives it has to offer and the freedom it allows. But is it truly sharing or does it constitute abusing the privileges of a friendship?
The skeptics paint a picture of booty calls, bed buddies and degradation. They view it as a clear violation of the rights and privileges of friendship. Some see it as impossible to accomplish given the processes of human nature and the emotional issues relative to intimacy. However, for the growing number of participants, it presents as an extension of friendship and a refreshing manner of bonding. It is viewed as a positive alternative to the traditional standards of love, dating and relationships. It allows for our most basic of human needs to be met safely while providing a sense of belonging and normalcy in a not so ‘normal’ society and lifestyle.
For many it means the elimination of the dreaded ‘one night stand’. Needs are satisfied by reaching out to the warmth and security of friendship rather than settling for the emptiness felt in a dating encounter. It replaces the loneliness felt in self-pleasuring with the therapeutic benefits of another’s touch. It fills a need for the ‘no strings attached’ sexual relationship and is a practical alternative to the risks of sex with multiple partners. It provides a trusting atmosphere, which promotes a continual exchange of the positive sexual energies necessary for satisfying and fulfilling experiences.
Aside from the many sexual advantages, other factors make this relationship a practical and preferable choice. It addresses issues of safety and the health risks that plague our society. It alleviates being trapped in the cycles created by many of the dating pitfalls. It offers an environment conducive to less restrictive and inhibitive communication where discussions of sex and other normal life experiences are not taboo. As a result, it provides a comfortable atmosphere for the exploration and experimentation of new ideas and designs.
Each couple sets the tone and clearly defines their rules, limits and boundaries. The idea is to provide a complete understanding of the expectations so that there is little risk of misunderstanding or hurt feelings. The relationships are as unique as the individuals involved. For some there is no need for formal agreements or arrangements. They simply do what feels natural for them and is mutually satisfying. Others find it important to design a well thought out plan of action. In the final analysis, it works, and no matter how they choose to deal with the terms of their relationship, it is a satisfying, fulfilling and rewarding experience.
As with any relationship, it does not come without flaws or obstacles. There are many positive emotional benefits but it does require mental preparation and maintaining the proper mindset. It is imperative to stay focused and be mindful of the traps. This aspect can present an ongoing challenge but the positive benefits overshadow any negatives. The ‘friend with benefits’ relationship is far from the traditional ideals and standards, however, it has proven to bring great rewards and is a fabulous asset in today’s complex and chaotic world.
Just How Important is Sex in a Relationship?
Sexual issues hold enough impact to disrupt relationship commitments and marriages, which makes a clear statement of it’s importance in our over all compatibility. Sex concerns play a major role in the high rate of divorce and is the cause for most all incidences of cheating. With the divorce rate and relationship failures rising above 50%, one would have to conclude that a great number of people are dissatisfied with their sex lives. It would seem wise to give serious thought to this aspect of our relationships and question the cause for such high rate of failure. Do today’s fast paced lifestyles affect our decisions regarding a partner? Are our relationship choices based in lusty infatuation, driven by fleeting emotions? Do we suffer from a lack of proper planning?
Successful relationship ventures require planning for healthy and satisfying sexual experiences. Sexual compatibility contributes to the over all health and well-being of the relationship itself. In the beginning of a relationship couples discuss all aspects of life to determine compatibility and make decisions about the future. They talk openly about their political views, spiritual and moral beliefs, address needs and desires and share their dreams and aspirations. Sex too has a place as a main consideration. Sexual needs are viable and any verbal or written agreements involving a relationship commitment should include a parley and alliance regarding sexual needs. Any partner who fails to meet those needs would then be in breach of the marriage vows or commitment agreement, leaving a standing order for an out clause. The subject of sexual needs, wants, and desires must play a critical role in the discussions and negotiations to better ensure success.
Sex is not merely an event or a task to be done as a matter of course. The bonding it presents, in its truest form, is the essence of a lasting commitment. When sex is ‘just sex’, the chances for long-term happiness and contentment diminish greatly, therefore it is important that this subject be addressed and agreement reached, before any actual commitment takes place. Designing a plan in accordance with a mutually agreed upon checklist of needs, wants and desires is a good standard practice. Needs can’t be ignored and will eventually become deal breakers. Settling for whatever is offered usually warrants a discontented mate and cheating. Neither of those end results is an acceptable alternative to designing a lasting plan and getting what we really want.
Any relationship requires honesty and in planning for success it is wise to remain honest with yourself and your partner about your sexual needs. It is also important to be honest about your capabilities to meet the needs of your partner. Misrepresenting the facts or hiding your true sexual needs and desires will only prolong the inevitable failure of the relationship. For those who have little time or interest in the confines of the typical relationship, it is probably a good idea to consider a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement rather than making a commitment that is doomed to fail.
Sex is an integral part of the human existence and cannot be ignored or taken lightly. It holds great significance in our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. The importance of the sexual experience in our relationships holds great significance and will usually determine the harmony and balance we all seek.
www.tcrassociates.net
Marketing You Online-Internet Dating Profiles
Marketing yourself in an online dating format can prove to be quite challenging. We are all very complex individuals and it is difficult to effectively state the intricacies of our total being in a few short paragraphs. Since your profile is essentially your first meeting, it is important to give serious attention to this aspect of your online dating experience. Taking care to choose the appropriate words and setting the right tone can offer a solution. How should the world view you?
Your online portrait should appropriately state who you are and clearly define what you seek. Your profile is you, and needs to reflect your glowing, positive qualities. The energies you emit through your writing will attract like energies. The tone you set in the first couple of lines will determine your success. Stating yourself with confidence and enthusiasm will entice the reader and precipitate that same type of positive attitude in response. Adding a bit of intrigue and mystery will provoke a desire to know more.
Your writing should be accurate, sincere and to the point. Any long-winded dissertation will merely prove to deter interest. The addition of humor will impart warmth and offer insight into your personality and spirit. Creating a clever, whimsical introduction line that displays an engaging disposition will extend an approachable aura. The goal is to attract attention and promote you as being a valuable asset. Offering the reader a pleasant place to visit while adding a smile to their day is always a positive and will inspire a call to action
Be clear with regards to your likes and dislikes but don’t limit yourself with labels. Use a no-nonsense approach while offering a hint of your depth. Your statements should reflect exactly what you have to offer and what it is you are looking for, in short summary. Your profile need not display your life history or any negative aspects of your circumstances. Negatives are not attractive and showing your weaknesses places you in a vulnerable position from the start. Keep it real, effective and on the lighter side.
Your objective is to avoid misrepresenting yourself and creating an atmosphere for potential misunderstandings. Clearly stating your limits and boundaries will speak to your strength and character. (IE: Please do not respond if you are married, in town looking for a good time, live out of state, seeking cam sex or casual sex, etc). You can emphatically define those as an addendum rather than the foreword. Although it is important information to share, it is best to keep it separate from your list of endearing qualities and positive attributes. Be careful not to offer anything you cant’ or aren’t willing to do in reality. Leave little room for interpretation.
Pictures add to the number of responses and interest but are not a necessity. Choosing to add a photograph to your profile should be based on your level of comfort and need for discretion. If your profile is well written and holds enough power, intrigue and mystery, it will command a response without a photo. Any picture you add should reflect the same qualities as your written word. Pictures with babies and animals are attention getters and present an endearing disposition. Far too many people display outdated pictures and misrepresent themselves in order to boost their contacts. That form of deceit may help to fill your email inbox but will not help in reaching your ultimate goal.
The Internet brings us in contact with the world and offers endless opportunities. That type of exposure does not come without risks however. There are very specific rules for online dating and exposing yourself to the world through cyber space. When preparing your profile and in preparation for the online dating experience, it is wise to consider the risks and possible consequences. In that regard it is imperative that you avoid offering any personal information in your profile. It is wise to use an alternate email address and Instant Messaging screen name for dating contacts. When you feel comfortable moving to a telephone meeting it is best to give a cell number rather than your home phone number to better protect you. Great adventures lie ahead if you are prepared and have planned well.
Experiencing More
Most of us experience merely a small portion of what life has to offer. We rarely take advantage of all that is available to us and in fact, become complacent and remain content to exist in life rather than live it. We often allow our dreams and fantasies to remain locked away, safely hidden in the dark recesses of our minds. We fail to recognize how deeply those hidden secrets affect our every day lives, how greatly they impact our emotional and physical well-being and the limits they place on our expectations and realities. Why do we place such restrictions on life? What prevents us from taking that excursion into uncharted territory?
From birth we are placed in a restrictive bubble, seeing the world through the eyes of parents and family. As adolescents, we expand our knowledge and limits as we begin to experiment and explore our potential. We seek to discover our own identity and test our new designs. As adults we tend to lose that spirit of adventure and accept a pattern of existence, which portrays an accumulation of our fears and inhibitions. Governed by the restrictions of societal dictates, family and friends, we retreat to our bubble. This confinement usually leaves us feeling trapped and empty with many voids to fill. We dream of adventures outside of our self imposed boundaries, but ultimately limit ourselves to watching in awe as others dare to venture into the realm of unknown possibilities.
The good news is that we are not restricted to accepting what life offers us. We can and should take what we need and desire from it. Life is only as limited as we make it. It is everything we allow it to be. There is a way to live our dreams and experience fulfillment and reward. It requires that we put away our fears and inhibitions and begin to explore, experiment and rediscover all of the possibilities that exist. With a little effort, all things are possible. We examine our curiosities, dreams and the endless opportunities; and dare to try on a few fantasies. If it feels good…DO IT! Expanding limits and boundaries extends to endless possibilities. The adventure and resulting freedom are well worth the effort.
If you think it is impossible, ask yourself why. The answers lie within you. The way is open and the means are accessible. You can make it happen and get more from life. Having faith in your capabilities as well as owning a positive attitude and an open mind allows the confidence needed to begin the journey. Thinking outside the box and allowing for a creative flow of energies will offer many new paths. We have free reign of the universe and now is the time to explore it
